Friday, January 21, 2005

WE’LL SEE WHO’S BOSS, YOU FROSTBITTEN SNEEZEGUARD S.O.B.

It was my first attempt at basketball since probably about eighth grade. Just like in eighth grade, and in all the grades before it, it was a [funny] failure. But to be fair, the basketball was a little bit flat. People don’t get it when I tell them that I’m good at sports, but if they were to have the occasion to observe my actual athletic abilities, they’d certainly see that my constant verbal assertions are there to mask my overwhelmingly poor physical performances on the court, in the ring, on the field, and so forth.

Today the man in line in front of me at the postal place was forty cents short. Rather than being at all apologetic, he simply explained that he only had $1.60 (he needed $2) and that he didn’t have a bankcard. He then offered up three spare envelopes he had left over to make up for the deficit. The woman who works there, a short, raspy woman who is forever shuffling around and attempting to peer out from under her exceptionally long bangs like a muppet, simply accepted the envelopes as payment, as though she were accustomed to bartering all the time. Then she asked for the man’s jacket as well. He refused, but next time I’ve got to mail something and I’m hard up for cash, I know what I can use for leverage.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you were right to point me this direction. i am returned from my travels and travails, and your wit is indeed well-sharpened for the new year...