Saturday, January 08, 2005

ARNOLD GRIMSBY AND THE ROADMAP TO MY HEART

There's an old man in this town who owns everything. He owns the newspaper as well as the enormous resort for which the town is relatively well known, having housed guests like Clint Eastwood. When we began subscribing to the newspaper in 199_, as a matter of fact, there was a promotion running where we got a free night in the resort, which was a big treat for us kiddies. As kids we liked this mysterious, seemingly magnanimous old guy. For Halloween, we were allowed up his steep driveway (reeking of Beverly Hills circa 1987) and he would give out dollar bills and regular sized candy bars instead of the typical tootsie rolls and double bubble. For this, he was a champion in our minds. Recently, however, he's apparently proposed to re-route the town's main "historic downtown" thoroughfare in order to build a large memorial garden for his parents. Weird. Naturally, the entire town poo pooed the idea and his proposal was eventually withdrawn. Perhaps next he will attempt to buy up all the charming soda shops on the main street and the whimsical antique stores with dogs lazily sleeping on oval rugs or in the doorways and windchimes tinkling overhead. Why stop there? He should also try to purchase the rights over the schools' curricula here. He can build high rise condominiums and memorial gardens not only on the streets of this town, but also in the minds and hearts of our children. Look out, world, we've got an ambitious 70 something year old looking to make a couple more lasting marks before he buys the farm. Oh wait, he already bought it.

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